Dating Dilema

Last week I was out in one of the city's coffee houses with the company of some ladies and my pal and as we enjoyed the bottomless coffees (actually they refill your cup only once, I wonder then why they call it bottomless) the conversation inevitably switched to the boy/girl issues aka relationships. Well one of the mamas had beef with the issue of jamaas who can't or won't pay the bill when they take you out. I am sure every one has horror stories of dates that went wrong i.e. ending up in the wrong type of restaurant, peeling potatoes, trying to eat spaghetti elegantly, your date, your date ordering the most expensive item on the menu or the worst one for ladies getting to the restaurant and discovering that the table cloths are made of the the same material as your dress! LOL!!
Anyway the story was that there was this jamaa - a client, who had been pestering this mama for several months that he would like to meet her for coffee one day after work. So mainly out of the need to just get it over with the mama agrees to meet him for coffee, the jamaa asks her to meet him outside 2oth Century (first wrong move) the mama trys to convince him that it is better for them to meat at a restaurant somewhere rather than outside a cinema hall which si soo teenagerish but the jamaa inisted so outside twentieth it was.
Once she gets there she meets the jamaa waiting (ok) but once she asks where are we going he says "I don't know, where do you want to go?" (Second wrong move). The mama wonders to hereself where kwani he did not know where he wanted to go and starts thinking whats nearby Trattoria? Winebar? Java? but since she just wants to get it over with she says we just catch a cup of coffee at Lavazza's so off they go.
Once they settle in the coffeshop and order the guy in trying to make conversation asks her 6 times - yes six - "How is life?" (Third wrong move) and she seriously thinks this must be a trick question and asks him as much. Clearly this date is not headed in the right direction and the mama is wondering when it is ever going to end but the worst is not yet to come.
As the coffee arrives the jamaa tells her "By the way, Hii Kahawa ni wewe unalipa?".
"What" She asks, clearly thinking she didn't hear him right
"You are the one paying for this coffee" he repeats.
That was the end of the conversation and the date as far as she was concerned, First she had to be coerced into coming, second he didn't know where to take her, third he didn't have any vybe to tell her and now it turns out she was the one to pay for this disaster of a date. What if she had said we go to Trattoria and ordered a Pizza and cappuccino she wondered. Fortunately she had 5oo on her and she could cover the bill and tempted as she was to pay for her cup only and walk out she perservered. Thats not the end of it, as they were finishing up he asked her.
"By the way there is one more thing I want to ask your"
"What? Fare?" She retorted, quite pissed off by now
"No, Its just that I have been watching you and I think you would make a good mother for my children!" he quipped.
WTF!
I don't need to tell you that was the end of the date and the story. If it wasn't a true story I would have laughed it off as a episode of Redykulass or something like that.
Now the questions are

• Would you ask someone out on a date expecting the other pary to date?
• In this day and age should the guy always pay?

The first one for me is a no brainer I mean if you are interested in someone you should jipanga and you should be able to first gauge there expectations. I can't make excuses for this jamaa on ths front especially since he had been pestering her earlier.

As for the second one I think it is still expected that the man pays for the first dates but as they become a couple the mama can be expected to chip into the bill and once in a while actually take the guy out. Some of my most memorable dates is when I have been asked out by - Her treat. It is always amusing when the waiter brings the bill over to you and you tell him hapana Madam ndiye analipa.

So what do you think and have any of you been on such dates?

By the way can you guess who ended up paying for those bottomless coffee's we were having?

Disclaimer: I am absolutely NOT the jamaa in question here!

Now onto other matters, There has been misunderstanding created by a comment that was left in my previous post about an alleged wedding. Due to some weird behaviour by Blogger I am unable to leave a comment on my own blog. Aaaargh. So now I want to state without fear of contradiction that : I AM STILL AVAILABLE now that said hiyo story iishe.

Of Cold, Paper Bags and Tremors

The buzzwords around Nairobi nowadays seem to revolve on 3 issues that are threatening to cloud the ever present politics in popular coversation. Hardly a minute passes before someone mentions how cold it is to be frank I have also been complaining every minute I can despite the fact that I have the luxury of cuddling up in bed all day but today there is a blackout and the house is so boring that I had to step out. The monthly forecast from our friends at the meteo are not encouraging either so we just have to pack those sweaters a little bit longer.
The other issue and this one I have beef with is the ban on plastic bags, whearas I wholeheartedly support the ban on thing plastics I beg to disagree with the way the City Kanju is carrying it out. There is no way the Kanju askaris have the capacity to gauge the thickness of plastic bags to determine whether they are 2o microns or less what they are engaging in is wholesale harasment of city residents as they go about there business. what they should target is the actual littering which is the real environmental hazard and proper garbage disposal which is their job ( and which they are carrying out with much less zeal!). It is really interesting the way the Kanju has woken up and discovered all these old bylaws againist, hawking, spitting, peeing, jaywalking etc but my concern is that the Askaris have turned it into an avenue for collecting bribes I mean how many of those caught in the act can actually produce a legit city council receipt for the fine paid?, Archer and M have met their wrath may be they can answer that.
The other big topic is the quakes or tremors hitting the city. I know it is quite unnerving and scary to feel the ground moving beneath your feet but the widespread panic experienced in town yesterday was absolutely out of proportion to the actual experience. I was woken up at 6.00am by a call claiming that a major earthquake was about to hit Nairobi in 15 minutes peeps must have thought I was crazy when I laughed it off and jumped right back to bed. My geology must be rusty but I know for sure that there is no way to predict when and where an earthquake is about to strike, although Nairobi is situated near a major faultline at the rift valley it is not a high risk area like California, Iran or Japan where major Tectonic plates meet.
Every one is complaining how long this week is you can imagine how long it is for me who is not at work but anyway looking forward to the weekend when I hightail it to Nakuru (someone please tell me if it is cold there as well) for a wedding where the groom only casually informed me last week that I would be his Best Man! Talk about surprises!

Resurrection

Contrary to a certain popular serial story I am very much still alive and blogging. I have now enjoyed one week of my vacation and I am begining to feel refreshed enough to blog. Of course the biggest hurdle is how to get internet connection I have been trying to do it from the house using GPRS but as you can imagine this is not kind to my cellphone credit but at least it allows me to read posts and with some patience put up a few comments.
The major predominant factor that has been influencing my activity is the cold and man has it been cold this has not been helped that there was some activity on the homefront that required me to spend many hours at night outdoors but fortunately that is now over. This cold has been inhibiting my movement and activities since I am now aclimitized to a warmer environ.
There is quite alot to catch up on the blogosphere it seems that our GuestBlogger has been extending his Collabos all over with the latest being at Milo's, For his shennanigance (sp) over at Unyc's it will be my mission to ensure that his name changes from 'Guest blogger' to 'Ghost Blogger'. JM is yet to update us with what happens when I bring the BT down to a grinding halt alot of the boys and some girls are awaiting this episode with alot of anticipation but since I have been consigned to the netherworld words won't hurt me so bring them on. By the way I was touched by Three Types of Crazy who is organizing a harambee for my departed soul (LOL) just make sure that baby mama gets the chums alright. Thanx alot girls!

Meetup
There was the issue of the meetup. Mocha has been requesting, nay demanding that someone posts something on the meetup. My contribution was just too brief to make up a substancial review all the same I enjoyed the brief minutes I spent there. I checked in at around 10:30 wich was quite an effort since at 8:00 PM I was still in Embu I was able to drive quite safetly trees nonewithstanding. It was my first time at Alehouse but locating it was not too difficult, the only worry I had was how to recognize the group since I didn't know anyone except Inexes who I had met in Embu the week before. Fortunately the first face I bumbed into was Inexes on the dance floor with a bevy of damsels. After some quick introductions I was able to meet some of my Blog Hero's and Heroines including one of the pair responsible for my untimely demise. My revenge was not forthcoming yet. But all said and done I had quite a nice time despite the personal circumstances that were prevailing on that day. I hope someone who was there longer can be able to do justice and tell us more of what happened earlier and later that night. So for those who finally got to meet the reclusive mountain I thank you for your warm welcome. BTW I was in the company of two other bloggers from my family (this one and this one)who were also happy to make your acquintances. It is such a pity I missed the famous dancing I was so looking forward to seeing this, therefore there has to be a next time, ama?
I am yet to get the hang of blogging from a cyber hence the rush to finish and the lack of links but as the weeks run along I am sure I will get the hang of it.

Approved

At long last I get my 5 weeks of R & R perhaps with this break from the bundus I will be able to refresh my mind and get back to full blog mode. As for now I have to tie up all the loose ends up here in preparation for the long break.
I haven't got a clue what I will be doing those weeks but as long as it doesn't involve being at the office at 7:00 AM its all good, Bila cash so vacation at the coast is out so I guess I'm resigned to being a tato for a while so frequent visits to Tom Mboya Street are a must. On the downside there is no free vsat at home so I either have to rediscover cybers (I loathe most Nairobi Cybers) or I have to lug my laptop to Java once in a while but the coffee there is quite a penny so it won't be any cheaper if I am to keep blogging. I hope that will resolve itself with time or is there any cheap internet connection available nowadays.

BTW I understand temparatures in Nai are perfect for locking yourself in
bed so I guess my itenerary is already set out in advance.

Long Week now Numb with Relief

Leo ni Friday lakini I am too numb to do the usual Friday Stuff.

It's been an unusually tough and bloody long week, swamped with jobo. Its a surprise that I was able to squeeze time to blog regardless, this was not helped by the fact peeps put up either very long deep posts, technical posts and crypic posts that require more mental capacity than I could spare plus the suspense. Lakini thank you all for helping me keep my sanity.

Fortunately it has all worked out and the company can keep its certification otherwise I wouldn't be able to face the boss on Monday since the project is my baby.

Leo nitarudi nyumbani mapema, take a shower and doze on the sofa, aki thats performing very poorly for a Furahiday.(yes! even here in Embu we get some action occassionally)

What I would do for a massage right now. Kesho nikiamka nikiwa freshi I'll be back at full mental.

Cheers!

No News is Good News?

I think Not.
After todays morning explosion is took it think like an hour before scattered rumours started filtering into the office about a blast in Nairobi. Of course with the typical Kenyan rumour mill there were already around 101 different theories floating around and that was even before morning tea was served.
Being away from news sources in the office apart from the internet I wasn't able to get any verifiable facts until around lunch time when I checked the newsfeeds on my newsreader from CNN, BBC and Reuters they were still bila story from Nairobi. Of course Google news searches for Nairobi picked up the news feeds from around 10.00 am. I was late for lunch time news at 1.00PM and when I got to the house all the channels had live coverage of KANU's Special Delegates meeting so again no news updates for me. Speculation was rife as people rushed into all sorts of conclusions blaming this and that group or persons, blaming the government, blaming the opposition, blaming foreigners, looking for religious, political, social and economic angles.
As a typical news junkie you can imagine my frustration as I searched for information about the blast since all my folks and and alot of my friends are in Nairobi but from all those I have heard from I guess they should be all OK.
Perhaps the blast was too minimal or inconsequential to the world media to attract widespread and quick coverage but I still wonder how it would have been if it featured one American or if the hotel in question was the one associated with a certain pseudocelebrity who is currently languisihing in an American Jail the coverage would have been any different. As the country grapples with addressing the role of the media, the media bill and the information superhighway I hope we shall be able to find a solution to this information gap when it comes to breaking news.
As I struggle along trying to get more news I pray for anyone who might have been affected or hurt in todays events. Since I don't want to miss the 7.00PM news let me sign off now.

Live Weekend

Quite a hectic Madaraka day weekend I had. Its been a while since I enjoyed 3 whole days of no-work pressure. It was also time for me to travel downtown (not upcountry like most folks) to spend some time with the folks. I was also able to catch up with several friends as well including one very senior blogger who we grew up with. There were several highlights of the weekend but I will only talk about two of them.

Sawa Sawa Concert.

Despite a very busy schedule on Saturday I was able to drag my self to the Aboretum to catch a glimpse of the Sawa Sawa festival that featured among others Jazz Maestro - Hugh Masekela and Roots Reggae icon - Burning Spear. As can be expected for any free concert in the city the whole area around Aboretum was jam packed with people up to State House Road and therefore despite my enthusiasm and that of my posse we were not able to see much of what was going on stage but I generally liked the atmosphere which was largely peaceful and lively. I had my doubts initally especially after the rowdy scenes that have been experienced in reggae concerts in the past. I was able to pick a few nice CD's of local music to enjoy including Eric Wainainas Twende Twende. Unfortunately I couldn't stay long and was not able to see the fellow who brought us out there i.e. Hugh cos we had advance tickets for our next assignment.

Pirates of the Caribean - At Worlds End.

At long last after 7 days of anticipation since it opened I was able to watch Pirates 3 over at Nu-Metro we arrived just in time to grab popcorn and drinks and sink into our seats to watch this years mega blockbuster. I had to admit the massive expectations that were heaped on this movie were impossible to surmount but it not deter my desire to lap it up. The movie of the year finally opened and I sat back to enjoy the ride.


Enjoy I did! Captain Jack Sparrow and the rest of the Pirates cast did not disappoint it would take a massive effort to match the levels reached by Curse of the Black Pearl and Dead Mans Chest but at Worlds end matched them in quite a number of levels. There some issues I had with the overall movie but I'm dead certain I will watch it again and again, I believe it is the small and suttle things that you don't notice at the first screening that make for a great collectors movie. I already have DVD's of th first 2 and I am pretty sure as soon as P3 is available on www.amazon.co.uk I will be one of the first buyers.

Parts I liked

• What is a pirate movie without elaborate sword fights and canon fights - some critics have said the action scenes were too long but I say there were just what the fans wanted
• The wisecracks were there in plenty as usual and Captain Jack Sparrow was Hillarious as usual my only complain was that there was not as much of him as I would have wanted and I think he did not take as much rum as required.
• Keira Knightely was as ravishing as usual this time the sexiness was more overt as she gave us generous glimpses of her lovely thighs in the Singapore scene and in the last scene just before Will turner goes on his 10 year voyage on the BT - sorry! :-) on the Flying Dutchman.
• For me the movie was a fitting conclusion to the Pirates of the Caribean Trilogy and I hope Disney lets it remain a Trilogy they can make more money by using the movies popularity to sell tickets to its Disneyland rides.

Parts that didn't quite click.

• The movie took too long to introduce Captain Jack and the first sight we saw of him was a humongous nose. It is standard to introduce the main character in the first 5 minutes but I belive it took almost 20 minutes before we saw Jack but when he appeared he took over.
• Very very long over 2.5 hours is quite long for an adventure movie
• Admiral James Norrington deserved a more fitting demise considering his role in the development of the plot.
• What happened to Calypso? Surely that thread deserved a more fitting end

The biggest mystery in the whole movie is: Where was Keira hiding that big fat shotgun that she pulled out from under her clothes? -Just a thought :-)

Tagged Again

What is it with tagging these days I had barely recovered from the first tag then Ichiena went ahead and tagged me to do a podcast and before I had finished figuring this out Aegeus decides to tag me to show what I have on my Home Desk. I will have you know that I do not have a home desk all I have is a dining table which of course doubles as a desk when I dont want to drag my laptop to the couch or the bed. But since this is much easier than the Podcast I will jump ahead and heed Methus Tag and give you a glimpse of what a bloggers desk in shaggs looks like.

My Trusty Toshiba Laptop, my Motorolla Cellphone - important for connecting to the internet, My DJ box - with my ancient CD collection, My PDA - in case I forget what I am actually supposed to be doing, My FHM magazine - for those much needed creative breaks and most important of all My COOKIE JAR - Bliss.

The Only Thing to Fear is Fear Itself

Pennywise from Stephen Kings IT

What scares me? I guess everyone has got some fears in their lives some that are secret and some not so secret. As for myself I do have a few fears that bother me although not so severe these few things get on my mind. I believe the first step in conquering your fears in first admitting them then facing them. There are definately a few of them I would not care to face at any time.

Here are just a few.

• Dentophobia; Fear of Dentists. I always feel sorry for dentists, they must be the ony profession where the clients are only willing to see them when the pain is too numbing for them to bear and considering the level of pain most people are willing to tolerate in order to delay that appointment is an indicator of the degree of fear. (no wonder dentists have been reputed to have among the highest suicide rates for any group of proffessionals cos they feel so unloved). I have faced this fear several times but luckily for me my Dentist belives in not prolonging the agony and he ensures that most procedures are completed in 10 minutes flat. Luckily I haven't had to face a root canal.
• Ophidiophobia; I am really afraid of snakes. I used to have these recurrent nightmare that consisted of having a snake run up my trouser and being unable to take off my pant. admittedely the fear has been made considerably worse by the fact that I live in a part of the country where coming across a snake on your front door is literally an every day occurrence. I have actually woken up to find a 2 foot serpent coiled on the window sill of my bedroom (inside) I have never left the house so fast before. Due to the frequency of encountering them I am now able to see a snake and let it slither away in peace but the though of accidentally stepping on one or having it crawl under my bedcovers still haunts me.

Someone forwarded this so I just decided to add.

• Catagelophobia; Fear of being ridiculed or loosing face; I am loath to make a spectacle of myself, I enjoy keeping a low profile should I get noticed it must be in a positive light. This may not be a bad thing but it keeps me from letting go thus avoiding overexposing myself e.g. dancing, getting drunk, singing etc
• Claustrophobia; My fear of enclosed spaces combined with my fear of crowded places has ensured that box type(7-aside) matatus which incidentally are the only matatus in these parts and crowded lifts are out of limits for me. I remember having to visit a friend at KNH and anyone who has gone there knows are the huge and during visiting hours are tightly packed immediately the doors were closed I got a massive panic attack and was literally out of there at the first stop needless to say nowadays I always take the stairs at KNH.
• Isolophobia; I fear being alone, may be not in a physically but socially, I don't understand how some people would rather stay away from people it would be very difficult for me to stay away from people and will always try and go out and mix with people even if it is just going to the club and sitting and watching rather than staying alone at home.
  

Definately there are many more but these are the few I wanted to share. It is very interesting to discover some of the things that people are afraid of there are a few interesting ones. (with a few links to help you face the fears)

• Caligynephobia - Fear of beautiful women
• Alektorophobia - Fear of Chickens (doesn't afflict Luhya's I guess)
• Cyberphobia - Fear of Computers (Don't expect any bloggers to suffer from this)
• Mageirocophobia- Fear of cooking (I might have a mild case)
• Dipsophobia-Fear of drinking (Does this exist in Kenya?)
• Gallophobia - Fear of France or french culture
• Philemaphobia - Fear of Kissing (?)
• Philophobia - Fear of falling in love
• Chrometophobia - Fear of Money (?????)
• Pentheraphobia - Fear of Mother in Law (Now you know why he/she refuses to get married)
• Peniaphobia - Fear of poverty
• Pupaphobia - Fear of puppets (How do you get scared of Kermit?)
• Tyrannophobia - Fear of tyrants
• Phallophobia - Figure it out yoursef.
  

If you suffer any of the above I hope you can face them soon, perhaps reading this post will have given you a severe case of Hellenologophobia- Fear of scientific terminology. And in case you are afraid relax there is no tagging here.

Lets Dance!

Yesterday as I was crawling around KBW trying to learn a few things about my fellow bloggers after the tagging virus that was spreading from Friday I discovered that quite a number of the KBW mamas revealed that dancing is one of the things they love to do most. Akina Princess, Klara, Quintessence, Mamashady, Unyc, Betty, Chatterly, Ichiena have said it their posts, comments and profiles and I am sure several others. Ok some of them say they prefer to do it privately but it's dancing all the same.

I find this coincidence most intriuging and quite delightful as well you may wrongly assume that bloggers are not outgoing persons. Although I am an awkward dancer and often have to be dragged to the dancefloor under duress nonethless I thoroughly enjoy the experience. I would definetely hate to go out with someone who doesn't like to dance. Even just sitting and watching my Kenyan sistas getting down and shaking what their mama's gave them fills me with joy.

From what I have read these last two days I'm sure if there was ever to be a KBW get together one day there will definetely be a lot of dancing.

Now I feel like Shaky leggy!!

The Seven Hidden Habits of the Highly Effacing Mountain

I had planned to take a blog holiday this week and bask in the glory of ManU winning the premiership but it seems that I couldn't hide myself and have ended up being tagged by Egm, 3N, Unyc, and God knows who else! This cannot be easy for me since I don't ussually get too personal but I believe in being a sport and there are few dares I chicken out off. So here goes.

1. I am Allergic to big bodies of water; I dont' swim not because of lack of desire but I just don't trust that I can be able to keep my head above water.
2. I am introverted. Some people call it shy, I don't easily break the ice when meeting new people but when I get to know them and open up to them they can realize that I am actually quite easy to get along with.
3. I am anti violence; Any form of violence by one person to another turns me off I can never understand how you can get your points across by hurting people, I believe human beings are capable of reason and conscience therefore trying ot beat or shoot sense into people is a futile effort. As a result of this I oppose corporal punishment and the death penalty if people think thats too liberal thats up to them. I carry this attitude in my character and people tend to view me as a softie because I will rarely say or do anything that is deliberately hurtful to anyone.
4. I Love Sci-fi and Fantasy; These are my favorite movie genres, my original movies collections include all the Star Wars movies, Lord of the rings, Star Trek. Michael Crichton and Stephen King are my Favorite authors therefore horror doesn't turn me off. Comic Superheros also fascinate me, Superman is tops followed by Batman, Spiderman comes third (sorry spidey)
5. I could be a geek; I am a scientist by profession therefore I am comfortable in a lab isolating enzymes and disceting all forms of invertabrates, I also have an obsessive love of gadgets I must have a top range cellphone, laptop, digicam, MP3 player, PDA, Bluetooth you name it I just can't resist admiring the latest electronics in the malls. I also love comps and am quite compent in them even if it's not my field at all.
6. I love strong women; I don't like the damsel in distress type of girl or timid and insecure types, I admire mature (not old!) women who are sure of themselves are not afraid to speak their minds, go for what you want types and who are not a pushover for men. I guess this is to compensate for No. 2 above.
7. I am not that young. From my interactions in KBW I can sense that I may be a bracket above several of the peeps but as consolation I am still very young at heart.

Now if the following victims can please stand up and be counted so we can quench our curiousity: Klara, Majonzi, Ichiena, Chatterly, Archer, Farmgal, Gish, Komi

Facing My Ghosts

Ouch!!! Did I do that?

Today I am in a reflective mood, Its Labour day no work and it being a Tuesday makes it totally useless since I can't do much rather than lounge in the house and reflect on my experiences over the last year. One experience that has stood up in my recent past is when I was struck by the ghost of bad luck and ended up raming my precious auto on a stuborn tree.

The Red Circle indicates where my house is.

It happened on one of those long weekends when a public holiday falls on a Monday (now thats the connection with my current thoughts!) I was coming back to Embu after having a splendid time in Nairobi which involved a drive down to Olepolos to devour some prime goat ribs. Having set of pretty early I was in Embu by 4:00 PM and was looking forward to relaxing after the hectic weekend in my house.
Around 20 Metres from my driveway I veered slightly off the middle of the murram road leading to my house and suddenly I felt the tyres near the edge of the road begin to spin on the loose surface, because of the unequal traction on the left and right wheels the car started swinging uncontrollable as I tried to correct the direction with the steering wheel. I know from prior experience that applying emergency brakes on such a loose surface or when in a skid is a recipe for disaster so I had to try and regain control. Unfortunately on both sides of the road were closely spaced rows of trees and before I knew it I had collided head first with one of those trees. I think this all happened in all of 2 seconds. Fortunately I was moving at fairly slow speed not more than 20 KPH since I was already inside the company premises and I managed to escape unscathed just slighly shaken (Thank god for Airbags). The car on the other had ended up with a thoroughly disfigured front end which actually looked much worse than it actually was.

Front end in desparate need of a 'Nose job'

As I reflect on this mishap which is the closest I have ever come to meeting my maker I made a few observations.

• You don't have to be drunk to cause accidents; It annoys me to no end when people rush to assume that when you have an accident that you must have been drunk, In this instance I was as sober as judge which is what I ussually am whenever I drive long distances.
• You don't have to drive fast to have an accident; Another assumption people make is that you have to be speeding to loose control I will have you know that a half tone saloon moving at 20 KPH will do untold damage when in comes across an immovable object such as a tree or wall if it meets you head on at that speed trust me we shall be discussing you in past tense.
• Accidents don't always happen far away; I was only 20 metres from my house I find it amusing when people tell you that they only need to wear seat belts on long journeys, Kwani it's OK to die when you are near home? Nowadays even when going for a packet of milk at the duka I belt up.
• Insurance Pays; I was always skeptical about the need to pay insurance and agreed with those who said that 'Insurance is like an umbrella on a sunny day which is taken away when it's raing' well I was forced to eat my words since I had only just paid my first premium on that car and yet they were able to finance the total repair on the car and it actually looks better than new.
• Automatic transmission is crap on offroad; I was all praise for my automatic transmission until this mishap although I have no way of proving it I'm pretty sure that if I had my trusty stick shift I would have been able to bring the beast under control.
• Murram is a whole different ball game; when you driving surface resembles small ball bearings anything you try and do with your steering will be like running on an Ice rink with high heeled shoes.
• Nose Jobs don't only refer to plastic surgery; while consulting with my mechanics on the repairs I learnt new terminologies such as Nose-cuts, Half-cuts which are not the preserve of cosmetic surgeons but refer to the art of removing the entire front of the car and replacing it leaving your car looking like new. It will now take a very meticulous fella to detect that my car had such a disfiguring accident.

I hope now after this reflection I can now look back at this incident and be able to laugh.

Now on to more pressing matters. Man U tomorrow meet up with AC Milan for Semi of the Champions league. Now that we almost have the league sawn up I a have kazaad my butt for the game cos if we do it will probably set up the momentum for the treble I can hardly wait. Good luck to the Liverpool tonight and lots of Luck to Arsenal on Sunday as you can see I am in generous spirits even though there is a glimmer of selfishness inherent (Hehehe...)

How Rich are You?

I used to think that I was very poor, but after visiting this website I had to change my mind. Just try it yourself by entering your annual salary and see where you lie in the global rich list.

Definetely food for thought!

Kenyan Ethnic Montage

In the last 2 weeks I have had to defend twice myself from accusations that as a person from the slopes of Mt. Kenya I must be one of the people who are the “eating” and that we are members of a certain infamous Mafia. I would normally take great exception to such notions since there is no evidence whatsoever that I have personally benefited in an extraordinary way as a result of my ethnic heritage but since it is the nature of Kenyans these days to label persons due to where they come from I can only rack my brains and try and understand why?
It bothers me why it is that we are so quick to stereotype the negatives about certain ethnic communities while there is all evidence that any vice or unfavourable trait is evenly distributed in the population. Does it mean that there are no positive attributes in other communities which we do not come from?
It is with this background that I wish to share this Montage that I came across which extols some positive values of a few Kenyan communities. I hope I don’t offend any one out there because I believe in the saying that “If you cannot laugh at yourself then you should not laugh at others”

The Perfect Kenyan should have:

• The Entrepreneurship of a Kikuyu
• The Sophistication of a Luo
• The Perseverance of a Kamba
• The Eloquence of a Mswahili
• The Generosity of a Nandi
• The Honesty of a Luhya
• The Courage of a Maasai
• The Contentedness of a Meru
• The Wit of a Mtaita
• The Fleet foot of a Kalenjin

There are no doubt many other positive things we could share with each other because all this bits and pieces from all the different communities are what make up the collective Kenyan Identity.

On a lighter note here is the Montage of a Perfect Kenyan Woman

The Ultimate Kenyan Mama should have:

• The Lustrous Hair of a Somali
• The Radiant Face of a Borana
• The Bountiful Thighs of a Luhya
• The Generous Booty of a Luo
• The Scintillating Hips of a Kamba
• The Determined Confidence of a Kikuyu
• The Patient Loyalty of a Meru
• The Mouthwatering Cooking skills of a Mswahili
• The Cool Demenour of a Nandi
• The Flawless complexion of a Taita
• The Elegant Poise of a Maasai

If there is one out there with all these qualities please Holla!!

Ten Ways to Marry the Wrong Person

Someone sent me an email message recently which covers several mistakes persons make in looking for a partner. I am certainly not an expert in these delicate matters and I still have a long way to learn but seeing that in the past weeks I have come across these 2 posts on what Women want and what men want I thought I should post this email as well just to add some fuel on the fire. It is rather lengthy but I didn't want to dilute the content by editing it so here goes:

Disclaimer: This is not an original post so I shall not be held responsible for the views contained within nor shall I be liable for any breakups or dissolutions of marriage that may arise from reading the following post - kirima ;-)

For my brothers and sisters who are in the process of finding a marriage partner and for those of us in this noble institution, this is for you.
With the divorce rate over 50%, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding whom to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid becoming a "statistic," try to internalizethese 10 insights.

1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married. The classic mistake! NEVER MARRY POTENTIAL!! The Golden Rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually can expect people to change after their married...for the worst!" So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now.


2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character. Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the "I'm in love" syndrome. "I'm in love" often means, "I'm in lust." Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person's character? Here are four characteristics to definitely check for:
   Humility: Does this person believe that "doing the right thing" is more important than personal comfort?
   Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? How does s/he treat people s/he doesn't have to be nice to? Does s/he do volunteer work? Give to charity?Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says s/he's going to do?
   Happiness: Does this person like himself? Does s/he enjoy life? Is s/he emotionally stable? Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?


3. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goal and priorities. There are three basic ways we connect with another person: a) Chemistry and compatibility b) share common interests c) share common life goal. Make sure you share a deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide. After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you're living for while you are single-and then find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you. This is the true definition of a soul mate. A soul mate is a goal mate....two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life's purpose and therefore sharethe same priorities, values and goals.


4. You pick the wrong person because you do not have deeper emotional connection. To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask: "Do I respect and admire this person?" This does not mean, "Am I impressed by this person?" We are impressed by a Mercedes. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. Yes, you should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc but do youactually respect and admire this person who possesses these qualities? Also ask: "Do I trust this person? " his also means, "Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?


5. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don't feel emotionally safe. Ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way! Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you're afraid to express your feelings andopinions openly, there's a problem with the relationship. Another aspect of feeling safe isthat you don't feel the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behaviors are a sign ofan abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. There is a big difference between "controlling" and "making suggestions. " A suggestion is made for your benefit; a control statement is made for their benefit.


6. You pick the wrong person because you don't put everything on the table.Anything that others you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise. You need to know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and findcompromises that work for both of you? Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can't be vulnerable, you can't be intimate. The two go hand in hand.


7. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness. If you are unhappy and single, you'll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, takeresponsibility to fix it now while you are single. You'll feel better and your future spouse will thank you.


8. You choose the wrong person because you get involved sexually too quickly. This can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Sexual involvement tends to cloud one's mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions. It is not necessary to "test drive" in order to find out if a couple are sexually compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionallycompatible, you don't have to worry about sexual compatibility. Of all the studies on divorce, sexual incompatibility is never cited as a main reason why people divorce.


9. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most. Men and women have unique emotional needs and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn't get it. Jewish tradition places the onus on the man to understand the emotionalneeds of the woman and to satisfy them. The unique need of a woman is to be loved. -To feel that she is the most important person in her husband's life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention. This is most apparent is Judaism's approach to sexual intimacy. The Torah obligates the husband to meet the sexual needs of his wife. Sexual intimacy isalways on the woman's terms. Men are goal oriented especially when it comes to this area. As a wise woman once pointed out, "Men have two speeds: on and off." Women are experience oriented. When a man is able to switch gears and become more experience-oriented , he will discover what makes his wife very happy. When the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife pleasure, amazing things will happen.


10. You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle. To be "triangulated" means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn't separated from his or her parents is a classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well,such as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money. Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in a triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You'll not be their number one priority. And that's no basis for a marriage.
    
    Ability is what you're capable of doing....... ......
    Motivation determines what you do.......... .........Attitude determines how well you do it!KNOW HIM/HER WELL B4 U DECIDE

No. 9 Now thats why Jewish guys are so in demand :-)

The Journey so Far - 1 Month Blogversary

A LITTLE CELEBRATION IS IN ORDER

It doesn't seem like it but it seems like I have successfully completed a month here at the blogosphere. After doing 14 Posts which have generated 102 comments it feels like I have been around for an eternity. What started out as a simple wikipedia search on what blogging is all about led me to experiment and go ahead and dive in withboth feet so to speak. I promptly got onto blogger and did the 1-2-3 tasks and voila I started my own blog. At first I didn't know what to do and just thought it would just lie their idle like alot of the cybertrash cluttering up the internet but I decided to give it a go and start posting and see if I could find share something other people would find interesting.
The Rural Challenge: The major huddle for me joining the blogging the blogging community had to come with the fact that I had to blog from the countryside where life is slow and there are hardly any major events of reckon, The other challenge was of a more fundamental nature - Connectivity. To those who know rural Kenya internet connectivity is a big let down since we are not served with any reliable ICT services even getting telephone access is a headache the only light at the end of the tunnel is the various wireless services such as GPRS and CDMA which might are available but are mightyly expensive. Fortunately I can still get some limited access in the office in the evenings when every one has gone home and the ONE internet computer is free. Another plus is alot of free time loads and loads of it!
The Techie Challenge: When I crawl through the profiles of most of the bloggers in the Kenyan blogosphere I tend to note that most are in the communications/Media/Tech fields. Now how does a biochemist working in an agricultural set up in rural Kenya fit in all this? Although not a techie by proffession I love all things tech and I quickly devour any new gadgets therefore since I don't have the opportunity to spend on alot of urban neccessities(rent,tranport) I can buy all the gadgets I need so with my trusty Toshib laptop, Sony digicam, Palm PDA (wifi/bluetooth), Cellphone (GPRS/EDGE) I can connect myself to the cyberworld and share the experiences.
The Ride: I did my First Posts and kind of just waited and started scoping the community by first checking out the Kenyan scene and kind of stumbled on KBW and joined the ring. From there I was able to start checking out several of the members first just studying the norms and etiquette before making any comments. With my first hesitant comments I started realizing that they would start hitting back and soon I got my first comments on my blog(Thanks Princess). Pretty soon I was hooked and began openly commenting on topics that I found interesting there were several though I prefered to just to read and keep to myself.
Along the way: I have found some very interesting people in the blogosphere, people who support my beloved ManU and many who support the enemy. There were some who are always handy for a cheer and a laugh and some who provided inspiring thoughts and spiritual food. Quite a number of cheerful posts, crazy stories, Weird events, good tips and interesting experiences and hot debates which I thoroughly enjoyed reading and commenting. . I also managed to bump into an old friend and somewhere along the way even my lil' Bro joined the blogging ride. I even managed to get tips on solving my phone woes and discover a german guy who used to reside in the town I now call home. Nowadays my days begins and ends with me opening my newsreader and collecting feeds from all my favorite blogs. What amazes me is the tit for tat and general good nature of the kenyan blogging community and how everyone is able to get along like old friends without all the flame wars we are accustomed to in chatrooms
The Challenge: Recently one regular blogger decided to challenge quite a number of us to do a post in Sheng/Kikwetuu which is the preserve of the masters, I naively took up the challenge and spent an eternity nashing away at my keyboard even after google was unable to deliver any help. I managed to deliver at least one sheng post which I hestiantly put up and waited anxiously for the ridicule coz according to Wikipedia; Sheng is primarily a language of urban youths which unfortunately I am not and the topic was a bit out of character for me. Fortunately it was not too bad and I got a few nice comments (Thanx) but as to whether it will be repeated - methinks never again!
The Big Mysteries: As I blog I have also come up with what I call the 3 big mysteries of the Kenyan blog community for which I am still searching for an answer:

1. Is there a prize for making the number one comment? It constantly amuses me how the KBWers are always competing to be No.1, Kwani someone is keeping score or there is a secret prize.


2. What is the B-Train and where is the destination?


3. Just who is M?

The Future: I guess what started as just an experiment and a personal challenge has now grown on me and become a daily must do. I have even noticed that several of the bloggers have started switching to Wordpress and after scoping out myself I decided to book my space just in case one day I decide to move though for now I am quite comfortable here at blogger. I am still looking for a course/purpose for my blog but in the meantime I intend to blog on whatever comes to mind although I am begining to think of myself as an insight to the the rural life.

Maybe after accomplishing my first objectives the thrill may no longer be there and I could just decide to say goodbye to the blogosphere but the answer to that is not one I can give for now since I am thoroughly enjoying the Ride.

Currently Reading: Next by Michael Crichton

Blogger wa Ushago na Nyege za Kamuti

Nimekubali kuchukua ile challenge ya Msee moja anaji-label Augeusi ya kuchora ninii ya sheng. Kwanza nilipoa kwa keja yangu huku Embu nikiwaza vile nita chora hii ninii. Kwanza nilifikiria eti nitawa con na kutumia google lakini google translater haina translator ya Sheng.
Kwa hivyo nimechora haka ka-risto niliskia juzi nikiwaka kwa maskan ile napoa nikitokea job.
Hii storo ilitokea wakati tulianza kudiscuss zile mambo za uchawi ile imetokea kwa machuo za ma-dame uko coasto na western na mori wengine kwa club. Mi husema hizo storo za uchawi na kamuti ni vako lakini wakati nilijaribu kuwashow hivyo niliambiwa eti uchawi ni real na nikicheza especially na kao wa Kitui nitakuta nimewekewa kamuti.

Hi risto ni ju ya ka manzi kengine ka primo. Hako ka manzi kalizua wazimu kwa chuo eti kuna ma-spirit ya chali mwingine, eti zinamdara kwa sehemu zake za siri na zilikuwa zina munyonya matiti. Yaani yuyo mshee alikuwa anapiga nduru akiscream jina ya chali na akijaribu kutoa nguo kwa daro na kulala kwa floor ya daro akiwa amepanua (katika position ya missionary!). Wakati niliuliza kwa nini alikuwa anamskia huyo charlie hivyo, niliambiwa walikuwa na ubeshte naye lakini maparo walizua noma na chali aka katazwa kumkatia hako ka dame. Wakati maparo wa ka manzi waliitwa chuo na mtichee badala ya kumpeleka kwa psychiatrist au kwa pastor eti walimpeleka kwa mchawi mwingine wa nguvu huko Kiambeere. Huyo mchawi aliwaambia eti ka dame kao kame wekewa kamuti na huyo charlie, na wakitaka kutoa hizo mademons ni lazima wa bambe huyo chali na wamfinye mpaka atoe hizo kamuti.
Kile kilinishtuwa ni eti wasee wa kijiji walibamba huyo chali na wakanza kumtoture ili atoe zile kamuti, ilibidi chali apige mbiyo na kujificha kwa makarao ili wa mprotect. Mpaka sasa huyo jamaa hawezi kurudi hii mtaa.

Kweli bado huku ocha nilazima ujichunge wakati una katia ma damu kwa sababu kaki kunoki hautaweza kujitoa hapo na ukijaribu kumhepa au akikatazwa na buda utashtuka kuambiwa eti kamezua noma za kamuti.
Kwa maoni yangu hako manzi hakua na problem yeyote ya kamuti ama kurogwa, kile kilikuwa kinamsumbua ni Nyege nyingi pekee. Ama ni aje?

Rural Blogging 101

This last week has been a challenge for this newbie blogger. The boss sent us on one of those Team Bonding Workshops which are normally held on remote locales with as much distance from modern conveninces as possible. The resort in question is located next to one of the Seven Forks dams where internet connection is still a pipe dream. There was intermitent cellphone connectivity and my prefered option for GPRS (Celtel was not available at all) so I was stuck with the bitter option which just went a long way to increase my misery.
One of the biggest challenges to engaging in any form of e-activity in the country side is virtual non-existence of internet connections. For the lucky few such as I who have the good fortune of working with a company that can afford a VSAT connection I can afford to post occassionally, although the employer in their infinite wisdom decided to put in a firewall which restricts our workstations from accessing the internet outside the corporate intranet, however there is one PC for all the employees to share which of course limits the time you can spend on line. So what are the options left available for a rural blogger.

• Dial up? Sorry but it is not even worth talking about Telkom Kenya they are the ultimate corporate failure in Kenya..
• Leased Line? Don't even think about it.
• GPRS? Available but you are advised to restrict yourself to text otherwise you will just be watching your credit vaporise in seconds and you need a very good phone.
• WAP? Crap!
• Cyber cafe? Nearest cybercafe is like 40 Kms away and the connection speeds are atrocious to say the least, I have seen a computer take 5 minutes to load the google webpage.
• Telkom Wireless? I was excited to hear that CDMA is going countrywide but to my horrer I found out that they are charging 3 bob per minute. This is daylight robbery and I don't believe it is fair to charge for internet connectivity per minute since you end up paying more when the service is poor.
• Hotspot? hehehe! this is just for a laugh.
• WiMax? I'm just dreaming right:-)

My take on this matter is that it is high time a deliberate effort was made by the policy makers to make it easier for us disadvantaged rural folk to join the e-community perhaps by providing subsidides or tax holidays and other incentives to companys that are willing to invest in providing ICT services out here in the sticks.
RED DELIGHT
To all the ManU haters out there yesterdays performance at Bolton should make you realize that we are well on our way to reclaiming the league honours and we are having a hell of a good time on our way there. Christiano and the Roo were so outstanding and their chemistry is impressive. I am crossing my fingers on the FA cup and Champions League the prospect of a treble is now looming larger but in the mean time let me just enjoy the ride.

Things I Miss

Living out of the city with all the peace and nature and generally slow pace is definately good for the body but what use is a good and healthy body if you cannot spoil it once in a while with a few of the indulgencies of modern life. I still remember several things that I used to take for granted in the past but now I cannot access as easily as I would have wanted. These are a few small things that normally one would never even give a thought to but when out here they just ain't there any more

1. Burgers: Juicy steer burgers with pickles, cheese and all those other artery clogging toppings, out here fast food can only refer to the speed at which you empty the plate.


2. Window Shopping: It doesn't seem like much but just being able to while away the afternoon ogling all those clothes you cannot buy at Abdulla Fazal and Gadgets at Audiopoint gives you something to aspire to.


3. Movies: The only movies you get around here are those annoying Nigerian VCD's and old action movie apparently Scharwzenneger and Stallone are still the biggest hits around here. Nobody seems to have heard of Lord of the Rings, Some one told me Star Wars is just lies (Kwani which movie isn't)


4. Music: Try going out and all the music you get in the clubs is Reggae, Raga, Ragatone, etc. If the DJ plays something like Soul, Rock, RnB you get a major exodus from the floor. I don't mind a little mugithi though.


5. DSTV: Only 2 clubs I know in Embu town with supersport and that is like 30 km away so it is a labour of love to watch my beloved ManU.


6. Hanging out: just being able to go and spend your evening with good conversation, good food and drinks, a little music etc. Around here there seems to be an unwritten curfew which consigns every one to their digs by 9:00 PM.


7. Rugby: never heard of it around here


8. Cold Malt: If it is not cold it is not worth drinking it, that is if is available in the first place.


9. Flossing: What good is that neat phone, Laptop, Car, Home Theatre, DVD collection if there is nobody who understands what the features are so that you can floss with it.


10. Hot Chicks: Don't get me wrong there are good looking females up here but it is the presentation and attitude that is lacking, the adage that 'if you've got it, flaunt it' doesn't apply around here, it is too conservative. Imagine no Minis, Hipsters, Halters, Cami's just boring...

Now before I get all depressed I have to come up with 10 things I don't miss about the big city, there has to be some balance in life. I mean one side can't have it all.

Country Life

It is hard not to envy all those guys living out there in the city including Nairobi where one can enjoy all the advantages that Technology can provide. As a Born City guy and Technophille it has been quite a radical change to accept to live and work out here in the Bundus where as recently as 4 years ago the only form of telecomunication was a 2 way VHF radio. Explaining about the internet to people around here was like a lecture in greek philosophy. That I can now blog everyday is like a minor miracle.

Photo of the Local

Despite all the perceived backwardness there must be a few advantages of living out here in the bundus such as:

• No traffic Jams, wait that is not entirely true. Occassionally cattle crossing the road can hold you up for a few minutes)


• Beers are sold at the reccomended retail price - .You can be the local celebrity by just buying a drink for everyone in the pub and it will still cost you less than getting into Carni


• Dates are cheap- In the most expensive restuarant you can get an meal for two for less than 2 reds.


• Everybody knows you - whether this is good or bad is still debatable depending on how you are known since reputations stick.


• Being a celeb only requires you to drive a car that moves without being push started (you get extra marks if it is not a pick-up)


• You never need to dress up in anything fancy. but I will still not do the yellow trouser and purple shirt routine.


• No gym card required Nobody cares if you gain weight - you actually gain points in the social ladder

There must be several more reasons otherwise I would now have been driven mad by boredom and have gotten out of here.

There is a downside too:

• If you are not yet married at 21 you are a misfit, if you dont have 2 wives at 40 you need help


• Daily Conversation revolves around livestock, crops, children and escapades of the local chief and headmaster


• Talk to the local girls and a commitee of wazee will shortly be arriving at your digs to negotiate dowry


• How can yor gain weight without Burgers?

Its not that bad just different and we all have to work

Ces' t la vie