Dating Dilema

Last week I was out in one of the city's coffee houses with the company of some ladies and my pal and as we enjoyed the bottomless coffees (actually they refill your cup only once, I wonder then why they call it bottomless) the conversation inevitably switched to the boy/girl issues aka relationships. Well one of the mamas had beef with the issue of jamaas who can't or won't pay the bill when they take you out. I am sure every one has horror stories of dates that went wrong i.e. ending up in the wrong type of restaurant, peeling potatoes, trying to eat spaghetti elegantly, your date, your date ordering the most expensive item on the menu or the worst one for ladies getting to the restaurant and discovering that the table cloths are made of the the same material as your dress! LOL!!
Anyway the story was that there was this jamaa - a client, who had been pestering this mama for several months that he would like to meet her for coffee one day after work. So mainly out of the need to just get it over with the mama agrees to meet him for coffee, the jamaa asks her to meet him outside 2oth Century (first wrong move) the mama trys to convince him that it is better for them to meat at a restaurant somewhere rather than outside a cinema hall which si soo teenagerish but the jamaa inisted so outside twentieth it was.
Once she gets there she meets the jamaa waiting (ok) but once she asks where are we going he says "I don't know, where do you want to go?" (Second wrong move). The mama wonders to hereself where kwani he did not know where he wanted to go and starts thinking whats nearby Trattoria? Winebar? Java? but since she just wants to get it over with she says we just catch a cup of coffee at Lavazza's so off they go.
Once they settle in the coffeshop and order the guy in trying to make conversation asks her 6 times - yes six - "How is life?" (Third wrong move) and she seriously thinks this must be a trick question and asks him as much. Clearly this date is not headed in the right direction and the mama is wondering when it is ever going to end but the worst is not yet to come.
As the coffee arrives the jamaa tells her "By the way, Hii Kahawa ni wewe unalipa?".
"What" She asks, clearly thinking she didn't hear him right
"You are the one paying for this coffee" he repeats.
That was the end of the conversation and the date as far as she was concerned, First she had to be coerced into coming, second he didn't know where to take her, third he didn't have any vybe to tell her and now it turns out she was the one to pay for this disaster of a date. What if she had said we go to Trattoria and ordered a Pizza and cappuccino she wondered. Fortunately she had 5oo on her and she could cover the bill and tempted as she was to pay for her cup only and walk out she perservered. Thats not the end of it, as they were finishing up he asked her.
"By the way there is one more thing I want to ask your"
"What? Fare?" She retorted, quite pissed off by now
"No, Its just that I have been watching you and I think you would make a good mother for my children!" he quipped.
WTF!
I don't need to tell you that was the end of the date and the story. If it wasn't a true story I would have laughed it off as a episode of Redykulass or something like that.
Now the questions are

• Would you ask someone out on a date expecting the other pary to date?
• In this day and age should the guy always pay?

The first one for me is a no brainer I mean if you are interested in someone you should jipanga and you should be able to first gauge there expectations. I can't make excuses for this jamaa on ths front especially since he had been pestering her earlier.

As for the second one I think it is still expected that the man pays for the first dates but as they become a couple the mama can be expected to chip into the bill and once in a while actually take the guy out. Some of my most memorable dates is when I have been asked out by - Her treat. It is always amusing when the waiter brings the bill over to you and you tell him hapana Madam ndiye analipa.

So what do you think and have any of you been on such dates?

By the way can you guess who ended up paying for those bottomless coffee's we were having?

Disclaimer: I am absolutely NOT the jamaa in question here!

Now onto other matters, There has been misunderstanding created by a comment that was left in my previous post about an alleged wedding. Due to some weird behaviour by Blogger I am unable to leave a comment on my own blog. Aaaargh. So now I want to state without fear of contradiction that : I AM STILL AVAILABLE now that said hiyo story iishe.

Resurrection

Contrary to a certain popular serial story I am very much still alive and blogging. I have now enjoyed one week of my vacation and I am begining to feel refreshed enough to blog. Of course the biggest hurdle is how to get internet connection I have been trying to do it from the house using GPRS but as you can imagine this is not kind to my cellphone credit but at least it allows me to read posts and with some patience put up a few comments.
The major predominant factor that has been influencing my activity is the cold and man has it been cold this has not been helped that there was some activity on the homefront that required me to spend many hours at night outdoors but fortunately that is now over. This cold has been inhibiting my movement and activities since I am now aclimitized to a warmer environ.
There is quite alot to catch up on the blogosphere it seems that our GuestBlogger has been extending his Collabos all over with the latest being at Milo's, For his shennanigance (sp) over at Unyc's it will be my mission to ensure that his name changes from 'Guest blogger' to 'Ghost Blogger'. JM is yet to update us with what happens when I bring the BT down to a grinding halt alot of the boys and some girls are awaiting this episode with alot of anticipation but since I have been consigned to the netherworld words won't hurt me so bring them on. By the way I was touched by Three Types of Crazy who is organizing a harambee for my departed soul (LOL) just make sure that baby mama gets the chums alright. Thanx alot girls!

Meetup
There was the issue of the meetup. Mocha has been requesting, nay demanding that someone posts something on the meetup. My contribution was just too brief to make up a substancial review all the same I enjoyed the brief minutes I spent there. I checked in at around 10:30 wich was quite an effort since at 8:00 PM I was still in Embu I was able to drive quite safetly trees nonewithstanding. It was my first time at Alehouse but locating it was not too difficult, the only worry I had was how to recognize the group since I didn't know anyone except Inexes who I had met in Embu the week before. Fortunately the first face I bumbed into was Inexes on the dance floor with a bevy of damsels. After some quick introductions I was able to meet some of my Blog Hero's and Heroines including one of the pair responsible for my untimely demise. My revenge was not forthcoming yet. But all said and done I had quite a nice time despite the personal circumstances that were prevailing on that day. I hope someone who was there longer can be able to do justice and tell us more of what happened earlier and later that night. So for those who finally got to meet the reclusive mountain I thank you for your warm welcome. BTW I was in the company of two other bloggers from my family (this one and this one)who were also happy to make your acquintances. It is such a pity I missed the famous dancing I was so looking forward to seeing this, therefore there has to be a next time, ama?
I am yet to get the hang of blogging from a cyber hence the rush to finish and the lack of links but as the weeks run along I am sure I will get the hang of it.

_EX Wars

I have an accute case of Bloggers block if there ever was one. I can't for the life of me come up with an original idea for a post this week. I have a few ideas brewing but they require some time to gel and definately when I can get some free time I will dive right in.

So in the mean time I will do another one like this. This week I have noted alot of men vs women wars erupting all over KBW I guess it is the same old story since men and women always never seem to get along despite the fact that we are always struggling to hook up with someone to complain about.

It seems to have started last week when HnH's old half decided to crawl back after being dumped by his new half only to encounter the scathing and utter wrath of his past. then Archer who introduces us to the potato wars (not this tato!) beginging with a chick who decides to play mind games and tempt her jamaa with her pal in order to test his loyalty but tough luck cos he failed the test but the question is who actually lost since she lost the jamaa (probably the pal as well!), Baadaye he chomoas a take-away chips episode with a new age sophisticated babe which leaves a poor dude as leftover. Inexes after last weeks fiasco with Rihanna look-a-like is busy reminding us of his undergraduate tally.

Klara got us thinking of how to handle a tricky situation like getting invited to an Ex's wedding would I go, maybe depending on the nature of the parting I guess it can serve as a form of closure cos you are resigned to the fact that she is no longer available while still single the possibility always lingers. Talking of Exes and weddings Mocha is perplexed by the Ex who doesn't know how to tell her he is getting married and then an old friend confesses he has been getting some Bill Clinton action on the side while still considering himself to be faithful to his mama I don't think that trick can work again, Meanwhile while dishing out this issues Mocha still lets her share in some beautiful shots. Gishungwa had us questioning whether we are in love or in lust my take is that isn't possible to have both wrapped up in one Yaani Lust for the one you love? We are still all waiting very patiently for Unyc's story to unravel.

Top prize leo is 3N who has organized a Seminar in Kigali for Kenyan men to scope out the action with the hutu and tutsi babes since Kenyan Mamas have declared their disinterest in us. Apparently I will be one of the resource persons. My my what to say?

The question I ask is why cant we just get along?

Not only bad things happen in Kenya this sounds good

Easy Sunday

I',m having an easy sunday today so after my tough week I decided to come up to the office and catch up on some blogs but to my disappointment it seems that KBWers seem to have taken the weekend off, even the aggregator is down so all that is left is going back over last weeks posts and seeing if there are any new comments. So to keep my bored self busy I have decided to do a weeks digest of whats been happening in the kenyan blogland. In the meantime a little social bookmarking wont hurt as well.

First I got an email from these people on my yahoo email which I don't even use much, looks interesting but I don't think I'm ready to move to another blogging service right now. Inexes bounced back on the blog scene this time in Dar where he seems to having drama with Rihana look a like and her Mshikaji he has polished up his swahili as well, welcome back bro. EGM on the other hand was very much around less pictures but more geekstuff his latest on capturing Youtube videos is one I will definately be studying in detail when I have some free time. Kayliz gives us a view of second life while Archer updated us on his late night chats and introduced us to his dog sunkuli but is now looking for an upgrade for his Nokia 6600. BTW I succumbed to Nokia mania and got myself a cheap 1110i to resuscitate my Safaricom line which despite M's exposition ,I still retain some of the Kenya peculiar calling habits and suffer which Safaricon have translated into incredible profits. Half n Half entertained us with a Cheeky quiz then went full blast at a desparate clueless ex, and apparently is still scoring in her war againist BAT, keep it up. Betty has abandoned hard labour and is busy reminding us of girlie playground songs was it hopskotch? :-)

Aegeus finally revealled the real story of the 7's after party with Wanja and 10 wild ladies, hitting the dusty road and gave us his weekend plans, I wish I could join you there and why did you stop bolding? Talking of parties Chatterly gave us a lowdown of what cuts at Kenyan Bashes in the US made me feel that our home made parties are not that bad afterall while Aco gave us some humerous flashbacks of Kenyan parties gone wrong at home. Komi made us look at our calling while Unyc and her co-conspirator kept us in suspense waiting for Part IV in the meantime part III continues to elicit all manner of requests looks like some peeps are expecting an orgy, as for me, I just want to know whether I come out alive seeing that I have a penchant for knocking trees and apparently Mungikis might be around. Majonzi had us examining the issue of Models I don't mind looking at them though but it seems most of us forget they are supposed to be selling clothes not their bodies. Mwangi apart from having rodent problems has been posting cryptic clues on his hanjamaz making those of us who are poor at riddles look slow. Modo took us on a humerous ride with him on his daily endevour not be be confused with a Mungiki. Bomseh decided to give us some kibwagizo's on his posts. Mocha gave a much demanded expose' and Farmgal took top honours for being a sport and giving us a peek at what happens on hen nites unfortunately peeps just want more and I can hear the chants of show us more.

Missing in action though were, Klara, Ichiena and Princess I hope you step up next week.

On a happier note my leave application is on the bosses desk and if he agrees its going to be 4 weeks of sleeping and full muenjoyos. I can't wait.

I like my new keyboard!

A Comic Voyage

Inspired by Mwaris history of book reading it brought back my earliest memories of what introduced me to reading and got me hooked. From a very early age I remember getting attracted to comic books in those days I remember there was a small bookshop next to citymarket where an elderly Asian lady used to sell used books and any time I had the opportunity to go into town with my dad we used to make it a point to drop there. At one end there was a big pile of comic books and I ussually used to make a beeline for it straight away and plead with dad to buy as many as possible.

Some of the earliest comic books I fell in love with were the British children comic books of the day such as:

• Beano: Who can forget Dennis the Menace and his ally Gnasher, Minnie the Minx, Rodger the Dodger and the Bash Street Kids
• Dandy: Remember Desparate Dan and his apetite for Cowpies, Korky the cat, Desparate Dawg
• The Beezer & Topper: The Banana Bunch, Colonel Blink the Shortsighted Gink, Pop Dick and Harry, The Hillys and the Billys and my all time favorite - The Numskulls which I believe inspired a Sitcom

While I was enjoying these british comics I also started picking the Disney comics and quickly went through tens of Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Uncle Scrooge and Tweety and Sylvester.

Before long the superhero DC Comics came my way and I discovered Superman, Batman, Spiderman and the Fantastic Four. At this stage I was hooked and it helped that my mum was in UK for a while back then and when she came back she had a full trunk full of Superhero comics. I totally loved Superman and I believe he is the coolest of all superheros and I secretly fantasized that I had the supepowers of superman.

Further along on my voyage I started getting interested in the the Archie and Jughead comics it was at this time that Yaya centre was opening and there was a nice little bookshop called Bookstop where they also sold secondhand books and comics and using the pretext of going to buy comics for my small bro I used to make sure that I put in a number of Archie comics which of course were for me to read first. The Archie characters were priceless, I always enjoyed the tag of war between Veronica and Betty for Archies attention (I always rooted for Betty though), Jughead and his love of food laziness and hate of girls (Ethel was it?) and how was Big Moose despite being rather slow was able to bag such a lovely girl as Midge which caused Reggie alot of pain whenever he tried to slice in.Also not to be forgotten was the Adventures of Tintin many of the breaktimes in school were spent comparing notes on the number of Tintins we had read and by Std 6 I am pretty sure I had read them all, My first was Cigars of the Pharoahs and my favorite was Explorers on the Moon. Again the Characters were unforgetable, Captain Haddock, Bianca Castafiore, Proffesor Calculus, Tompson and Thompson and who could forget Snowy. My favorite character was of course the drunk always swearing Captain Haddock with his "Billions of billious blue blistering barnacles in ten thousand thundering typhoons"

Now the ultimate classic is Asterix and for your information I am not yet over this one and I am capable of snatching it from your baby bro so watch out :-). I find the Asterix strips so creative, humerous and entertaining I clearly remember my first one which is still my all time favorite - Asterix and Cleopatra "That nose!" The naming of the characters was hillarous, Unhygenix the fishmonger and his wife Bacteria, Fulliautomatix the blacksmith, Vitaltatistatistix the chief, A Roman centurion named Poisonus Fungus or Crismus Bonus the sterotypes and puns of the various European Tribes is quite uncanny. It always made me laugh out loud whenever Cacofonix the Bard was tied up during the banquent except in one adventure, The banquets which everyone had a whole wildboar to themselves. Obelix my favorite charactor was never allowed by Getafix the druid to have a sip of Magic potion cos he fell in a cauldron when he was a baby except in one instance in Asterix and Cleopatra.

This Frisky Gaul and his obese friend Obelix in their myriad adventures has kept me entertained for over 20 years and I am sure many more to come.

All pictures from Wikipedia.com

Live Weekend

Quite a hectic Madaraka day weekend I had. Its been a while since I enjoyed 3 whole days of no-work pressure. It was also time for me to travel downtown (not upcountry like most folks) to spend some time with the folks. I was also able to catch up with several friends as well including one very senior blogger who we grew up with. There were several highlights of the weekend but I will only talk about two of them.

Sawa Sawa Concert.

Despite a very busy schedule on Saturday I was able to drag my self to the Aboretum to catch a glimpse of the Sawa Sawa festival that featured among others Jazz Maestro - Hugh Masekela and Roots Reggae icon - Burning Spear. As can be expected for any free concert in the city the whole area around Aboretum was jam packed with people up to State House Road and therefore despite my enthusiasm and that of my posse we were not able to see much of what was going on stage but I generally liked the atmosphere which was largely peaceful and lively. I had my doubts initally especially after the rowdy scenes that have been experienced in reggae concerts in the past. I was able to pick a few nice CD's of local music to enjoy including Eric Wainainas Twende Twende. Unfortunately I couldn't stay long and was not able to see the fellow who brought us out there i.e. Hugh cos we had advance tickets for our next assignment.

Pirates of the Caribean - At Worlds End.

At long last after 7 days of anticipation since it opened I was able to watch Pirates 3 over at Nu-Metro we arrived just in time to grab popcorn and drinks and sink into our seats to watch this years mega blockbuster. I had to admit the massive expectations that were heaped on this movie were impossible to surmount but it not deter my desire to lap it up. The movie of the year finally opened and I sat back to enjoy the ride.


Enjoy I did! Captain Jack Sparrow and the rest of the Pirates cast did not disappoint it would take a massive effort to match the levels reached by Curse of the Black Pearl and Dead Mans Chest but at Worlds end matched them in quite a number of levels. There some issues I had with the overall movie but I'm dead certain I will watch it again and again, I believe it is the small and suttle things that you don't notice at the first screening that make for a great collectors movie. I already have DVD's of th first 2 and I am pretty sure as soon as P3 is available on www.amazon.co.uk I will be one of the first buyers.

Parts I liked

• What is a pirate movie without elaborate sword fights and canon fights - some critics have said the action scenes were too long but I say there were just what the fans wanted
• The wisecracks were there in plenty as usual and Captain Jack Sparrow was Hillarious as usual my only complain was that there was not as much of him as I would have wanted and I think he did not take as much rum as required.
• Keira Knightely was as ravishing as usual this time the sexiness was more overt as she gave us generous glimpses of her lovely thighs in the Singapore scene and in the last scene just before Will turner goes on his 10 year voyage on the BT - sorry! :-) on the Flying Dutchman.
• For me the movie was a fitting conclusion to the Pirates of the Caribean Trilogy and I hope Disney lets it remain a Trilogy they can make more money by using the movies popularity to sell tickets to its Disneyland rides.

Parts that didn't quite click.

• The movie took too long to introduce Captain Jack and the first sight we saw of him was a humongous nose. It is standard to introduce the main character in the first 5 minutes but I belive it took almost 20 minutes before we saw Jack but when he appeared he took over.
• Very very long over 2.5 hours is quite long for an adventure movie
• Admiral James Norrington deserved a more fitting demise considering his role in the development of the plot.
• What happened to Calypso? Surely that thread deserved a more fitting end

The biggest mystery in the whole movie is: Where was Keira hiding that big fat shotgun that she pulled out from under her clothes? -Just a thought :-)

Tagged Again

What is it with tagging these days I had barely recovered from the first tag then Ichiena went ahead and tagged me to do a podcast and before I had finished figuring this out Aegeus decides to tag me to show what I have on my Home Desk. I will have you know that I do not have a home desk all I have is a dining table which of course doubles as a desk when I dont want to drag my laptop to the couch or the bed. But since this is much easier than the Podcast I will jump ahead and heed Methus Tag and give you a glimpse of what a bloggers desk in shaggs looks like.

My Trusty Toshiba Laptop, my Motorolla Cellphone - important for connecting to the internet, My DJ box - with my ancient CD collection, My PDA - in case I forget what I am actually supposed to be doing, My FHM magazine - for those much needed creative breaks and most important of all My COOKIE JAR - Bliss.

The Only Thing to Fear is Fear Itself

Pennywise from Stephen Kings IT

What scares me? I guess everyone has got some fears in their lives some that are secret and some not so secret. As for myself I do have a few fears that bother me although not so severe these few things get on my mind. I believe the first step in conquering your fears in first admitting them then facing them. There are definately a few of them I would not care to face at any time.

Here are just a few.

• Dentophobia; Fear of Dentists. I always feel sorry for dentists, they must be the ony profession where the clients are only willing to see them when the pain is too numbing for them to bear and considering the level of pain most people are willing to tolerate in order to delay that appointment is an indicator of the degree of fear. (no wonder dentists have been reputed to have among the highest suicide rates for any group of proffessionals cos they feel so unloved). I have faced this fear several times but luckily for me my Dentist belives in not prolonging the agony and he ensures that most procedures are completed in 10 minutes flat. Luckily I haven't had to face a root canal.
• Ophidiophobia; I am really afraid of snakes. I used to have these recurrent nightmare that consisted of having a snake run up my trouser and being unable to take off my pant. admittedely the fear has been made considerably worse by the fact that I live in a part of the country where coming across a snake on your front door is literally an every day occurrence. I have actually woken up to find a 2 foot serpent coiled on the window sill of my bedroom (inside) I have never left the house so fast before. Due to the frequency of encountering them I am now able to see a snake and let it slither away in peace but the though of accidentally stepping on one or having it crawl under my bedcovers still haunts me.

Someone forwarded this so I just decided to add.

• Catagelophobia; Fear of being ridiculed or loosing face; I am loath to make a spectacle of myself, I enjoy keeping a low profile should I get noticed it must be in a positive light. This may not be a bad thing but it keeps me from letting go thus avoiding overexposing myself e.g. dancing, getting drunk, singing etc
• Claustrophobia; My fear of enclosed spaces combined with my fear of crowded places has ensured that box type(7-aside) matatus which incidentally are the only matatus in these parts and crowded lifts are out of limits for me. I remember having to visit a friend at KNH and anyone who has gone there knows are the huge and during visiting hours are tightly packed immediately the doors were closed I got a massive panic attack and was literally out of there at the first stop needless to say nowadays I always take the stairs at KNH.
• Isolophobia; I fear being alone, may be not in a physically but socially, I don't understand how some people would rather stay away from people it would be very difficult for me to stay away from people and will always try and go out and mix with people even if it is just going to the club and sitting and watching rather than staying alone at home.
  

Definately there are many more but these are the few I wanted to share. It is very interesting to discover some of the things that people are afraid of there are a few interesting ones. (with a few links to help you face the fears)

• Caligynephobia - Fear of beautiful women
• Alektorophobia - Fear of Chickens (doesn't afflict Luhya's I guess)
• Cyberphobia - Fear of Computers (Don't expect any bloggers to suffer from this)
• Mageirocophobia- Fear of cooking (I might have a mild case)
• Dipsophobia-Fear of drinking (Does this exist in Kenya?)
• Gallophobia - Fear of France or french culture
• Philemaphobia - Fear of Kissing (?)
• Philophobia - Fear of falling in love
• Chrometophobia - Fear of Money (?????)
• Pentheraphobia - Fear of Mother in Law (Now you know why he/she refuses to get married)
• Peniaphobia - Fear of poverty
• Pupaphobia - Fear of puppets (How do you get scared of Kermit?)
• Tyrannophobia - Fear of tyrants
• Phallophobia - Figure it out yoursef.
  

If you suffer any of the above I hope you can face them soon, perhaps reading this post will have given you a severe case of Hellenologophobia- Fear of scientific terminology. And in case you are afraid relax there is no tagging here.

You Savvy??

I guess May 25th is Approaching faster than I had expected. The big movie season is already upon us I have already watched Spiderman 3 and it was quite good acutally despite my initial reservations but it did have one or 2 uhh? moments. The big movie for me this season is bound to be Pirates of the Caribean: At World End. I have been waiting eagerly for this one since I watched Dead Mans Chest. I know that eagerly anticipated movies often tend to disappoint but who can deny the enduring swash buckling charm of Captain Jack Sparrow and the delicate tomboyish beauty of Ms Elizabeth Swan?
I probably may not watch it opening weekend but I shall be trooping to watch it as soon as I can meanwhile I have temporarily redecorated my house for the upcoming Pirates season. I shall be I shall be returning to Middle Earth soon.

I am not saying anything about todays game

Lets Dance!

Yesterday as I was crawling around KBW trying to learn a few things about my fellow bloggers after the tagging virus that was spreading from Friday I discovered that quite a number of the KBW mamas revealed that dancing is one of the things they love to do most. Akina Princess, Klara, Quintessence, Mamashady, Unyc, Betty, Chatterly, Ichiena have said it their posts, comments and profiles and I am sure several others. Ok some of them say they prefer to do it privately but it's dancing all the same.

I find this coincidence most intriuging and quite delightful as well you may wrongly assume that bloggers are not outgoing persons. Although I am an awkward dancer and often have to be dragged to the dancefloor under duress nonethless I thoroughly enjoy the experience. I would definetely hate to go out with someone who doesn't like to dance. Even just sitting and watching my Kenyan sistas getting down and shaking what their mama's gave them fills me with joy.

From what I have read these last two days I'm sure if there was ever to be a KBW get together one day there will definetely be a lot of dancing.

Now I feel like Shaky leggy!!

Mind Your Language.

Why do we as Kenyans so hung up on peoples accent until our entire comedy industry is based on just merely mimicking accents from different communities around the country. I have always wondered if Kenyans have got a unique Kenyan accent like South Africans, Nigerians or Ugandans that is because we are so diverse. Even for a city born person like me I find myself occassionally slipping in a kimeru shrub once in a while. Whenever I go upcountry my cousins and aunties are always teasing me on my pathetic mothertounge which I keep on mixing up with Kikuyu. Many times we try and guess where people come from by how they speak but with all the intermarriages and a generation that can barely speak their mother tounges I forsee that ability to differentiate kenyans slowly disappearing.

I got this forward from my bro' which made me laugh!
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English.

• "In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c" . Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
• There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
• In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
• By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
• During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi blriten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.

e drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted inze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl

Kenyan Ethnic Montage

In the last 2 weeks I have had to defend twice myself from accusations that as a person from the slopes of Mt. Kenya I must be one of the people who are the “eating” and that we are members of a certain infamous Mafia. I would normally take great exception to such notions since there is no evidence whatsoever that I have personally benefited in an extraordinary way as a result of my ethnic heritage but since it is the nature of Kenyans these days to label persons due to where they come from I can only rack my brains and try and understand why?
It bothers me why it is that we are so quick to stereotype the negatives about certain ethnic communities while there is all evidence that any vice or unfavourable trait is evenly distributed in the population. Does it mean that there are no positive attributes in other communities which we do not come from?
It is with this background that I wish to share this Montage that I came across which extols some positive values of a few Kenyan communities. I hope I don’t offend any one out there because I believe in the saying that “If you cannot laugh at yourself then you should not laugh at others”

The Perfect Kenyan should have:

• The Entrepreneurship of a Kikuyu
• The Sophistication of a Luo
• The Perseverance of a Kamba
• The Eloquence of a Mswahili
• The Generosity of a Nandi
• The Honesty of a Luhya
• The Courage of a Maasai
• The Contentedness of a Meru
• The Wit of a Mtaita
• The Fleet foot of a Kalenjin

There are no doubt many other positive things we could share with each other because all this bits and pieces from all the different communities are what make up the collective Kenyan Identity.

On a lighter note here is the Montage of a Perfect Kenyan Woman

The Ultimate Kenyan Mama should have:

• The Lustrous Hair of a Somali
• The Radiant Face of a Borana
• The Bountiful Thighs of a Luhya
• The Generous Booty of a Luo
• The Scintillating Hips of a Kamba
• The Determined Confidence of a Kikuyu
• The Patient Loyalty of a Meru
• The Mouthwatering Cooking skills of a Mswahili
• The Cool Demenour of a Nandi
• The Flawless complexion of a Taita
• The Elegant Poise of a Maasai

If there is one out there with all these qualities please Holla!!

Tweaking

Caelai sai o ai eis talaer Cosostae
Sor air ei vyr ail si Aelor Jhalendri
ailosaer shia si Jhys os Si Vol

Hello to you all my name is Kirima
This post is written in elvish
Inspired by the Lord of Rings

I have just finished tweaking my template to suit my favorite theme which is inspired by The Lord of the Rings Trilogy which counts as my favorite movie. (I actually own the Extended Edition 12 disk Boxset) I thought of frustating all my readers by doing the entire post in Elvish or even worse in Tengwar the Elven script used by Tolkien in his books but mercifully I do not have the patience of painstakingly translating them word by word nor am I that Evil.
After a hard evenings work I must now retire to my quiet peaceful home for 'dinner' then 'supper' (not as peaceful as the Shire)

"One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them

One Ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them"